Calming Down. Maybe.

Growing up, when I would go with my mother to the grocery store or drug store, I always enjoyed getting my blood pressure taken in those automatic machines. As I got into my angelic teenage years, I would first take my blood pressure the normal way. Then I took it a second time, this time constantly pumping my fist open and closed, making the numbers that popped up on the readout dangerously high. Instead of clearing the readout, I gleefully left the numbers for the next person to wonder if they were going to come across someone passed out on the floor nearby.

Ironically, I have developed a type of self-diagnosed white-coat syndrome since then. As soon as I sit down on the crinkly white paper in a doctor’s office, my blood pressure starts going up, even if I know there’s nothing seriously wrong with me. When the nurse says, “Let’s take your blood pressure now,” my heart starts beating faster because I’m nervous the result will be high, which makes me more nervous, and then I start breathing deeply to calm down, which then makes me even more nervous because I know I’m trying to calm down. (Are we clear on this?) Then the nurse says something like, “Wow, that’s high,” or, “Wow. Are you nervous?” Inevitably, the comment always starts with “Wow.”

Now let’s throw a first pregnancy into the mix. I’d like to bet that the nurses at my doctor’s office have never seen such high blood-pressure numbers. At Baby’s recent gender-identification appointment, I was running late and freaking out about it. Once I got into the exam room I felt fine, but I could feel my heart pounding a mile a minute. I had hoped that Husband’s presence at this appointment would make me feel calmer, but when the nurse spoke those dreaded BP numbers, Husband said, “Wow.” (Thanks, dear.) The nurse had me lie down (fine) and said she would take my blood pressure again later (not fine).

I know that stress isn’t good for a developing baby, let alone his high-strung mother. Pair that with being pregnant during college football season, and this child has no hope of normal circulation. His first little blood-pressure test will certainly result in a resounding, “Wow!”